I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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