So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
