I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
