i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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