Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
