My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
