I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
how drunk are you?
Several
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
