No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
