My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
