seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
