Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize