I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
