He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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