who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
