i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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