I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Alive.
So much puke
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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