Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
