she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
be right there i have to get my cape
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
