So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize