my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
