last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
