for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
