You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
