Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
