puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Houston, we have a blender
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
