I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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