My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
