I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
