so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
