Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
