so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
