why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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