You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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