I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
