I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
