I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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