SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
