giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
