just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
