I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
