Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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