can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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