I'm going to jail i love you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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