I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to align my fucking chakras
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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