I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
