That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
