I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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