she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
