the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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