watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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