I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
