i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
