bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
