i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
