Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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