I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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