so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
