I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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