you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize