You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
