I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
