He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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