Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
