You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
