69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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