She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
