your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
